It’s off the whole thing is off my life my mind my heart I don’t know where they connect or what is supposed to be where I’m confused I’m lost I’m alone would things be in place if I’m not alone? What am I supposed to do? Fill idle time with meaningless movement? I’m uncontrolled, out of control, missing. I’m missing. I don’t know. Maybe it’s not me. Maybe it’s him. Maybe I’m in his way being in my way I’m letting him be in my way. I want to be someone’s something. Why won’t he love me the same? I’m over loving. Loving him more than me. No one will love me until I love me. But I loved me until I loved him. I think he’s lost me and doesn’t know my love so I lost it too and don’t know where my love for me went. It went to him. But since he can’t see it I can’t either. He doesn’t want me. He doesn’t need me. He doesn’t want to need me. But I don’t want to need him. Do I need him? I do. I want him and I need him. And I miss him. I miss him. I miss him wanting and needing me.
Beating my heart
Idle movement is where I find my heart
Not still not moving
There is no course
Is this lost is this found? In a binding mutilating distortion
This is where they meet…my heart and my soul…
It’s just my mind Beating my heart
When I was there
None of it was beautiful and it all hurt very badly. The most beautiful thing is I am still here to see that.